Articles from Renee's Reflection page
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On a Truck, You Can't Hide!
posted by Renee Miller even when we have failed, even when we procrastinate so often that we feel we’ll never accomplish anything at all, even when we feel like the cowardly lion, even when we are anxious that we will not measure up, even when our knowledge is shaky, eve when we’re tired of being kind and loving to everyone whether we like them or not! I’m no different from anyone else in this. In the course of a normal day, I move in and out of people’s lives and adjust my persona to present my best self given the various situations in which I find myself – even when the persona doesn’t really match what I’m feeling inside. But, I’m getting better at getting them to match up. And I thank the tiny truck cab, and my fiercely truthful and non-judgmental co-driver for it. So, here’s the lesson that was so potent on the truck: You cannot hide your true self. While in normal life I move in and out of people’s lives and in and out of situations, the same is not true on the truck. There the person I’m with and the situation I’m in stay the same for days on end. In that small and confined environment, ‘who you really are’ will eventually come out. There’s no possible way to keep presenting different personas day after day! The real you just comes out – with all of its warts and, all of its glory. One of my core values is to live from my true self rather than being full of myself. When my inner self isn’t in alignment with my outward self, I am actually as full of myself as a turkey at Thanksgiving. When that’s how I’m operating in daily life, I’m really trying to maneuver and manipulate things so that no one is able to detect that the ‘me’ they think they see is not the real ‘me.’ On the truck, that wasn’t so easy to do. There, I had to become more deeply acquainted with the real me – who I really was – underneath the loveliness I so easily portray when needed. I had to face myself, because I could not hide myself. Let me say that again. I had to face myself, because I could not hide myself. I had to deal with my anger, my attempts to manipulate to get my own way, my fear that I was inadequate, my need to prove myself, my unhappiness, my procrastination, my dis-spirited-ness. I also had to experience these same things in my co-driver. As the months and years went by, I was able to move past judgment of myself and him. As I truly faced myself in my goodness and my shortcomings, I began to love the complete me. I no longer needed to hide from the truth of me, or lie to myself about the truth of me. It can be a challenge to acknowledge and love the truth of ourselves even when we are not perfect. Even if you’re not living in a moving steel box traveling at 70 miles per hour down the highway, you might find these three suggestions helpful if you find that you’re tired of always feeling you have to be ‘nice,’ or you wish you didn’t have to pretend to be something you are not, or you just want to become more integrated in your life and soul. Try to notice yourself rather than judge yourself. Notice when you feel a discrepancy between what you feel and what you are portraying. When you are alone, ask yourself what that discrepancy is about and why you feel unable to portray your true feelings. Find a ‘buddy’ who will demand that you be ‘you’, but who will not judge you. There is no substitute for accountability, but accountability is most effective when it is free of judgment. On a truck, there’s instant and continual accountability, and I was so very fortunate to be with someone who demanded truth in himself and in me. In normal life, we have to search out someone who will demand truth from us, hold us accountable, but refrain from judging us. Look in unexpected places for this person. It will, most likely, be someone you could not have imagined could be this for you. Stop lying to yourself about yourself. This was the power of freedom the woman at the well found in her encounter with Jesus. Someone saw the truth of her, confronted her with that truth, and loved her in spite of it. She didn’t have to lie to Jesus, but more importantly, she could stop lying to herself. We lie to ourselves all the time about so many things. Sometimes we lie about our goodness and end up heaping more shame on ourselves. Sometimes we lie about our flaws and end up with the same result – more shame. When we take the risk to stop lying to ourselves shame no longer has any power over us. We are free, finally free. Herman Melville wrote in Moby Dick, “You cannot hide the soul.” Let the beauty of your soul – that includes goodness and flaws – be revealed to you and then fully reveal it to others. Both you and they will be blessed. Herman Melville wrote in Moby Dick, “You cannot hide the soul.” Let the beauty of your soul – that includes goodness and flaws – be revealed to you and then fully reveal it to others. Both you and they will be blessed. |
Are You Living on Aleve?
posted by Renee Miller It made me wonder. There I was in the Walgreen’s pain reliever aisle, staring at the options for Aleve and asking myself things like, “Should I buy the generic brand? What is the difference between a gel cap and the hard round pill version? How many should I buy? What is the best price?” Suddenly there was a conversation going on right beside me between a man, his wife, and their daughter who looked to be about 12 or 13 years old. They were obviously having the same quandaries. The daughter said, “Oh, look, there’s the Aleve.” “Oh, your mother doesn’t like to pay for the name brand,” the father replied. Then, looking closer, he commented to his wife, “Look, honey, the Aleve is 50% off.” The wise mother who seemed to understand marketing tricks, said quickly, “You have to buy 2. You get 50% off the second bottle.” “Well, great,” said the husband. “Buy three!” The mother was silent, and in the scarce 5 seconds of silence, the young teen brightly said, “Mom, go ahead and do what dad says. Get three. You know we’ll use them. We all take them like they’re Tic-Tacs!” "We all take them like they’re Tic-Tacs." It made me wonder. Why does it seem so normal to a child of 12 or 13 to regularly pop Aleve as if it’s candy? Why do the parents feel they are in such consistent need of Aleve? What is the aching pain going on all around us that we feel can be cured by the use of an OTC pain reliever? Aleve – a derivative of allieviate. From the Latin alleviatus, meaning ‘to lighten.’ Surely, we need pain lightened from our bodies every once in a while, but our lives should not need consistent lightening from pain, unless we have some clear medical condition that requires it. Even in the midst of a world with convenience and technology, with the ability to do what was unimaginable in earlier generations, it seems we have become a culture of dis-ease. Could all three in that little family group pop little blue pills because of physical bodily discomfort? Or, is the physical discomfort masking a more existential pain? Perhaps, we have become unaware of what causes us pain in life. Perhaps, we are just accustomed to feeling ‘out of sorts.’ Perhaps, we have lost touch with things that might ease pain other than pills – things like rest and play, for example. Or, perhaps, the lack of spiritual ease has caused physical dis-ease. Spiritual ease is not so very hard to introduce or cultivate in daily life. It often begins with a mere awareness of one’s breath. It can actually be simpler than going to the bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet, removing an Aleve from the bottle, and finding a glass of water to take it with. Perhaps, if we just started paying attention to our breath we might find some of our physical dis-ease melting into peace. So, here's a question for your own reflection... Where is there dis-ease in your life that might be alleviated spiritually? When Love is Falling Apart
posted by Renee Miller So, here’s the scene. I was getting an iced tea at my local coffee bar. The barista struck up a conversation with the man behind me – a man she obviously knew – a man I’ll call Jerry. “Oh, Jerry, I’m so happy! It’s just wonderful!” the barista exclaimed. Jerry gave a reply that I could not hear. The barista continued with a little wink, “Sounds like you’re smitten, Jerry.” “Yep,” Jerry said enthusiastically. Pressing further, the barista queried, “Could it be love?” Again, Jerry’s response was inaudible, but the answer had quite an effect on the barista. She smiled so big that she felt embarrassed and mechanically covered her mouth with her hand. She said again with eyes as gleeful as flashing stars, “Jerry, I am so very, very glad!” Jerry then turned to me as I was unwrapping a straw for my tea and said with a smile, “So, how’s your day going?” “Oh, it’s great. After what I just heard, how could it not be great?” I asked. “Yes, it really is good, isn’t it?” After a slight pause he looked at me and said, “I’m going to make her so happy.” “That’s wonderful,” I replied, touched by his genuineness. He poured something into his cup of joe and continued with conviction, “You know, there’s a lot of crappy guys out there, but I’m going to change that.” I smiled and affirmed him again. Turning to leave, I grabbed a napkin, then turned back to Jerry. I touched his shoulder and said slowly, “Enjoy every single minute.” “Thank you, sweetheart. I will.” Now, you might come to the conclusion that Jerry was merely a star-struck adolescent experiencing his first crush. Jerry was young and quite handsome, but not so young to have never been in love before. He was probably in his late 30’s or early 40’s. I have no idea about his romantic history, but I do know he was feeling the wonder and grace of love. Even more, he was feeling the sheer power of caring for someone else with the same intensity that he had previously given only to himself. In other words, he had grown bigger than himself. His circle had expanded and when his circle expanded, he expanded. Isn’t that both the goal and the result of any love? To have a healthy, even intense, self-love that begins to cast outward like a tide on the sea to gather others in? But, what do you do with the troubling questions? I mean, what happens when love goes awry, or no longer captivates as it once did, or has become drudgery, or has even turned to hate? What about when love no longer unifies and expands, but separates and shrivels? That’s when relationships of all sorts began to fall apart. Lovers and spouses. Friends and co-workers. Politicians and constituents. There are, of course, many complex and complicated contributing factors to each individual situation, each discrete relationship. Still, I have found, in my own experience, that there is one thing that will almost always be present when the goal and result of love begins to break down. Almost always there’s a ‘going away’ from the love we had at first. What creeps in, as stealthily as a bomber undetected by radar, is the clear and undeniable fact that as life has unfolded, we have lost touch with the wonder we had when love first became real. The spouse forgets the incredible desire simply to make the other person happy. The friend forgets the awe of knowing that another human being understood them without judging them. The co-worker forgets the way creativity was sparked by the wisdom of their counterpart. The politician forgets the sincere desire to serve the people who trust their stewardship. The constituent forgets the belief that one particular person’s leadership could make a difference in the world. It may not be possible, truly, to go back to the time when love was rich and full and un-self-conscious. Disappointment, betrayal, abuse, forgetfulness, selfishness and a thousand other things are at work when love is falling apart. But, just for this moment, close your eyes and go back to the time when you felt so much pure love that, like Jerry, you would say to a complete stranger, “There are a lot of crappy people out there, but I am going to change that.” While we may not be able to fully return to those first moments of love, and while we may, even now, be in a situation where love is falling apart, the only truth we can be sure of is that we always have power to change our own selves. As Ghandi said, we can be the change we want to see in the world and in those we love. So, for this little moment, close your eyes and love again – as you did at the first. It just might help us make a change for the better. In the end, as we all know, the only change we have power over is the change in our own selves. So, even if love is falling apart for you, you can still be the change you want to see in the world and in those you love. So close your eyes, and love again – as you did at the first. So here's a question for your own reflection... Where do I need to let go of hurt in order to love again with freshness? Click to add text, images, and more. |