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Money, Money, Money...

9/26/2016

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It must be a part of my DNA – the desire to live a simple life.  Even if I had all the financial resources a person could want, I would still live a very simple life.  My mother came from a life of poverty and want, and perhaps, my proclivities for simplicity stem from my early childhood.  That’s not to say I can’t, or won’t, spend money!  Although I really dislike shopping, I have no compunction about spending money on something I really want. But, when it comes to actual day-to-day life, I will live in a minimalist way, no matter what my income level.

Money, (the proliferation of it, the desire for it, and the possession of it) has gotten a bad rap over the centuries from a religious point of view. The verse from Scripture that is often quoted by religious types is that ‘money is the root of all evil.’ (I Timothy 1:6).  The rest of the verse is often not quoted: “…in their eagerness to be rich some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains.” Anyone who has ‘chased money’ knows that it can completely consume one’s time – whether it’s working 80 hours a week, or selling dope on the streets.  And, when our time is consumed by one pursuit, there is no time for other important things in our lives.  We also find that when we are consumed by one thing (in this case the eagerness to obtain money) we find that there are consequences in other corners of our lives.  Our family suffers because we are gone all the time.  Our health suffers because we don’t get proper rest.  Our mind suffers because we are afraid of losing the money we have worked so long and hard to gain.  In this sense, money, along with a host of other things in life, can be the ‘root of evil.’ In other words, whatever consumes our attention will cause difficulty in some other area of our lives.

But, it is not accurate to conclude that money, therefore, is inherently bad.  To counteract the bad rap money receives, it might be useful to think about what life would be without it.  If there were no people working hard to obtain vast sums of wealth, there would be more problems in the world with little resources for solving them.  While I may choose to live a simple life, on a simple income, I am unable to do many good things in the world that my heart may desire to do because I lack the money to do them.  I am not able, for example, to provide money to help people in significant need, or develop educational events for under-served children, or support a young entrepreneur with a new idea.  I also can become a liability to those I love, if I don’t have enough money to provide for myself and my needs especially as I age.  And, this is another kind of ‘evil.’

When all is said and done, it is not money that is the root of all evil.  It’s not even how we use our money that is the problem.  The problem is when anything or anyone consumes us to such a degree that we forget where our very life came from, and to whom we shall return when that life is over.  No matter what work, family, or passion gives us energy and enthusiasm for life, we are still creatures of a Source beyond ourselves and our greatest and most fulfilling peace in life will come when we stay centered in that truth.


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September 11, 2001

9/11/2016

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Burnished steel into ash
Crumbling and tumbling.
The rush of wind’s energy
Pulling and rending,
Like crashing waves on sandy shore,
A deafening display.

Why this evidence of evil
 
Thrown so casually,

Amid the early morn
Unbidden, decisive,
                                                Without a second’s pause?
                                                
                                                 O deep blackness of grief,

                                                 Your hot stifling blanket
                                                 Begs sufferers succumb
                                                 To terror’s dark silence.
                                                
                                                 Hearts can know no peace,

                                                 Tongues and limbs lie limp,
                                                 Driven like metal through ice.
                                                 Death, destruction – all in a heap.
                                                 No mercy falling from heav’n
                                                 On this September morn.

                                                                                    ©Renee Miller
                                                                                    September 27, 2001

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3 Tips for Dealing with Tension in a Relationship

9/10/2016

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Relationships are a unique and fascinating part of daily human existence.  They keep us from being overly self-absorbed and indulgent. They build compassion and caring in us.  They broaden our understanding of life and the intricacies of navigating through life.  In other words, they help to complete us – to make us whole.  And, for those who feel alone in the world, the hope of relationships offers a solution to the crucial need for human sharing and interaction.  It has been well documented that those who do not have a community of loved ones around them; who trudge today and tomorrow as if on a desert island; face greater health risks and challenges.

We were created to be in relationship with others.  Yet, at times, those very relationships that are so important to our positive and healthy balance in life can also have an opposite effect.  They can steal our joy, demand more than we feel able to give.  They can leave us feeling angry, hurt, or resentful.  This is particularly true in intimate relationships.  So, what can you do if you feel your spouse, partner, or loved one is taking more than their fair share of your time, your energy, your love? 

If it is an abusive relationship, it’s important to realize that the other person is probably not trying to make your life miserable! It may be that they are overly focused on their own issues and problems, and can’t seem to find resolutions.  It may also be that you feel unable to hold firm in your own strength without being emotionally drawn into your loved one’s issues.  There can be a diminished tolerance for dealing with problems that are not your own.

At the same time, your love for the person creates a need in you to help them.  In such a situation, the best help you can offer is to remain strong in your own sense of ‘self.’ This means that you listen and care, without entangling your emotions to such a degree that you ‘take on’ their issue.  It’s a hard distinction to sort out. True empathy and compassion require actually ‘feeling with’ the other person.  But, even as you’re ‘feeling with’ them there’s a need to remain objective and personally free from destructive entanglement. Here are three small tips to help ride this slim line between selfishness and empathy.
  1. Try to identify what you need to remain centered and strong.  Is it time away?  Is it silence?  Is it self-awareness?  Is it confidence in your ability to remain engaged but not entangled?  If you can identify what you need, there is a greater likelihood you will have the ability to be empathetic without suffering yourself, as a result.
  2. Ask your loved one if they can identity what they need.  A significant amount of stress in personal relationships is generated simply because each person is not really aware of what each need.  Once there’s some clarity around need, it’s much easier to actually ‘do’ something that will help alleviate your loved one’s distress.
  3. Know your limits.  Love is costly.  It is also a treasure beyond measure.  The trick is finding out how much empathy you can realistically offer before your own bandwidth becomes overloaded.  If you go past your limits then there are two people struggling, rather than one.  When you’re clear about your limits, you have the capacity to care with authenticity and, at the same time, step away before becoming unhelpful to your loved one, before becoming angry and resentful about their need, and before feeling your stress level is escalating higher than theirs!
Relationships are life-giving.  Yet, each of us stands in relationship because we are individuals first.  Protecting our personal psychic health makes it possible to engage in relationships with love, meaning, growth, and fulfillment.

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    Life is rich with texture and beauty. Even the parts that seem unwanted hold within them seeds of grace.

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